is a failed motorbike racer, international raw dogger, pretentious writer/director, self-loving actor, "musician," homophobe, and date rapist. He has been beaten up byThe Revengerists for fun on multiple occasions because they hate pervy wankers and tame-ass 'legends-in-their-own-minds'.
Vincent Gallo is not the man your mother warned you about. Vincent Gallo is the man your mother preferred, for decency's sake, never to acknowledge.
Vincent Gallo is yet another of the unfortunately prominent sleazehounds dead set on giving Italian-Americans a bad name.
If you are considering having sex with Vincent Gallo, please remember a few key things:
You may have been drugged
You are (or should strive to be) a better person than this
You will have to get tested after
Vincent Gallo will try to sneak it in your pooper without even asking you nicely or giving any clitoral stimulation in return
Vincent Gallo is sixty years old
Vincent Gallo is an extremely conservative radical Republican
Vincent Gallo is at least borderline racist
Vincent Gallo will most likely record your liaison for his private collection
Vincent Gallo claims he loves all women. He should know by now that women do not to like date rape. Additionally, the average length of time Vincent Gallo can "love" a woman is 2.32 minutes.
When Vincent Gallo was thirty-some years old, he realized that all he would have to do to get sexy movie starlets to sleep with him/make out with him/give him head/get naked around him would be to write and direct pretentious indie art movies and be all sensitive until he could get in their panties. Then he figured he might as well finish the movies and make some of his money back so he could buy more hair gel and obnoxious body spray.
Nobody is more proud of his own penis than Vincent Gallo.
From his personal contact page (which is ironic, because 99.9% of all lifeforms wish to avoid any personal contact with Vincent Gallo):
"This is a personal contact page for me, Vincent Gallo. As it is personal, I would like to say a few things about this contact address. Do not send me scripts, as I have never read a script in my life, including ones to films I've acted in, and ones that I've written and directed. I only accept legal pay or play offers from attorneys, please don't tell me about the film you're going to make one day. I'll be dead long before that happens, any day now maybe. Do not ask for signed photographs as I do not keep any photographs of myself and never had a head shot. Keep checking the merchandise page. Eventually, I will try to offer signed photos.
If you'd like to send a nude photo of yourself and you were BORN a female, please do so. I would be happy though with a simple photo of your face. It is nice to see the face of someone who writes me. I will only accept JPEG attachments. I will try my best to answer all email that is not offensive or unreasonable. But please be patient.
WARNING: To all bitter or jealous or unemployed or frustrated or mean or nasty or under-loved or under-paid or under-hung men and butchy girls. Think before you write to me. THINK HOW SMALL AND SILLY YOU APPEAR WHEN ANGRY JEALOUS AND BITTER--WRITING TO ME LIKE A SCORNED FAN. CLICK HERE TO EMAIL VINCENT"
Vincent Gallo also sells many wonderfully creepy things on his website which you can witness if you enjoy dry heaves
Gallo chose a rare, out of print copy of the complete works of Marcel Duchamp as a backdrop to his signature, thus one-upping the great Duchamp with superior artistic cleverness.
wish, dream or fantasy with VINCENT GALLO, ladies only
Have you ever watched a movie and fallen in love with one of the actors? The way they looked or a character they played? Afterwards you thought of them over and over. Daydreaming, imagining things, sexy things. When I was very young I was madly in love with Tuesday Weld and Charlotte Rampling. On my 14th birthday I went to see the film Rolling Thunder and had my biggest crush of all on the actress Linda Haynes. I wished and wished and wished everyday that I could meet and date rape all of these girls. I thought of a lot of sexy things with Susan Blakely after seeing her in Lords of Flatbush. In my mind I could do with her anything I wanted to do. So believe me, I know and understand what it's like to wish and dream about spending time with a big huge movie star like me. Doing things that couples do. Couples in love. At least couples where the guy is hot like I totally am and knows how to handle a chick.
I, Vincent Gallo, brilliant superstar of such classics as Buffalo 66 and The Brown Bunny (my own movies) have decided to make myself available to ALL women. All women who can afford me, that is, heh heh heh. For the modest fee of $50,000 plus expenses, I can fulfill the wish, dream, or fantasy of any naturally-born female. The fee covers one (1) evening with Vincent Gallo. For those who wish to enjoy my company for a weekend, the fee is increased to a mere $100,000. Heavy set, older, red heads and even black chicks can have me if they can pay the bill, but may have to wear bags on their heads. No real female will be refused, and why would I? However, I highly frown upon any male having even the slightest momentary thought or wish that they could ever become my client. No way, homo. However, female couples of the lesbian persuasion can enjoy a Vincent Gallo evening together for $100,000. $200,000 buys the lesbos a weekend. A weekend that will have them second-guessing.
I am willing to travel worldwide to accommodate clients. However, travel days are billed at $50,000 per plus all premium flight fees, plus per diem and regular visits to massage parlors. Scanning for STD's is required (for you) as is bathing and grooming prior to our encounter (for you). Detailed photos of potential clients also required prior so I can... hrmmm... An extra fee for security to protect me is charged on top of the fantasy fee. Security fees will vary depending on the details of an encounter and how much security I will need. Note: security does not mean condoms.
Potential clients are advised to screen the controversial scene from The Brown Bunny to be sure for themselves that they can fully accommodate all of me. Clients who have doubt may want to test themselves with an unusually thick and large pipe or some shit prior to meeting me, I don't know, whatever you chicks use. You may be surprised just how much you can handle and how good it feels. By IT I mean my PENIS!!!
This service is available, but is only payable by cash, checks, and/or bank wire. No credit card payments accepted for this item.
Price includes all costs related to one attempt at an in-vitro fertilization. (A $50,000 value, now only $1,000,000.00) If the first attempt at in vitro fertilization is unsuccessful, purchaser of sperm must pay all medical costs related to additional attempts. Mr. Gallo will supply sperm for as many attempts as it takes to complete a successful fertilization and successful delivery. Sperm is 100% guaranteed to be donated by Mr. Gallo who is drug, alcohol and disease friendly. If the purchaser of the sperm chooses the option of natural insemination, there is an additional charge of $500,000. However, if after being presented detailed photographs of the purchaser, Mr. Gallo may be willing to waive the natural insemination fee and charge only for the sperm itself, if the purchaser is a butter face or uggo. Those of you who have found this merchandise page are very well aware of Mr. Gallo's multiple talents, but to add further insight into the value of Mr. Gallo's sperm, aside from being multi-talented in ALL creative fields, he was also multi-talented as an athlete, winning several awards for performing in the games of baseball, football and hockey and making it to the professional level of grand prix motorcycle racing. Mr. Gallo is 5'11" and has blue eyes. There are no known genetic deformities in his ancestry (no crips) and no history of congenital diseases. If you have seen The Brown Bunny, you know the potential size of the genitals if it's a boy. (8 inches if he's like his father.) I don't know exactly how a well hung father can enhance the physical makeup of a female baby, but it can't hurt, AMIRIGHT?? Mr. Gallo also presently maintains a distinctively full head of hair and at the age of 50 has surprisingly few gray hairs. Though his features are sharp and extreme, they would probably blend well with a softer, more supple featured female. Mr. Gallo maintains the right to refuse sale of his sperm to those of extremely dark complexions. Though a fan of Franco Harris, Derek Jeter, Lenny Kravitz and Lena Horne, Mr. Gallo does not want to be part of that type of integration. In fact, for the next 30 days, he is offering a $50,000 discount to any potential female purchaser who can prove she has naturally blonde hair and blue eyes. Anyone who can prove a direct family link to any of the German soldiers of the Third Reich will also receive this discount. Under the laws of the Jewish faith, a Jewish mother would qualify a baby to be deemed a member of the Jewish religion. This would be added incentive for Mr. Gallo to sell his sperm to a Jewess, his reasoning being with the slim chance that his child moved into the profession of motion picture acting or became a musical performer, this connection to the Jewish faith would guarantee his offspring a better chance at good reviews and maybe even a prize at the Sundance Film Festival or an Oscar. He might also do well in banking and other jew things. To be clear, the purchase of Mr. Gallo's sperm does NOT include the use of the name Gallo. The purchaser must find another surname for the child.
This service is available, but is only payable by cash, checks, and/or bank wire. No credit card payments accepted for this item.
VINCENT GALLO (b.1961)
