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If butt-fucking, steaming, murderous, soul-shattering, teeth-grinding, hellsploding, explosive, eye-popping, brain-melting, burning, stinging, universal, dimension dropping, fuck-ass anger was a person then it would be Kratos, the former god of war former general.

He's killed armies, killed demigods, gods, and titans. He'll kill you too.

Kratos sculpt by marknewman

Just a normal day for Kratos

Biography Edit

Like most people living in ancient Greece, Kratos suffered a life full of arbitrary treachery, fuckery, Time-Fuckery, and a number of other awful things. The gods were on his ass from the moment he was old enough to punch a guy in the dick.

Most of his life was spent warring, warring for gods, killing the gods, or questing under the assumption the gods weren't fucking with him, when they actually were. The gods fucked him so much that he ended up killing his wife and daughter totally by accident, because Ares tricked him. He's been captured numerous times, tortured more, and sent on wild goose chases. He has died and spent more time in the afterlife than most goasts.

His quest for vengeance and release lead him to unleash Pandora's box, kill Ares, release the Titans, kill the fates, a large number (if not all) of Greek Mythical Creatures, kill the rest of the gods, and set hope free.

Even though he stabbed himself to death with the sword of olympus, no one knows of his fate.

Power Edit

Who even knows where to start with this guy? He's gained and lost powers so many times that you'd think he was that guy from Heroes. For starters, he is generally the most badass motherfucker that walked the planet even without the god powers. He can kick your ass, your mother's ass, John Cena's ass, and the entire population of grizzly bears at the same time. His primary weapon is the set of Chaos Blades, which are basically sword-chucks or sword-whips. They fly around in a whirlwind and most things can't stand up to them.

In his servitude to the gods and as the God of War, his powers included everything a god can do like be really big and be a huge fucking dick. He can cast god powers like lightning bolts or Apollo Flames. He can use every weapon.

His adventures lead him to time-travel and perform lots of Time-Fuckery. You wouldn't think he'd be too smart, seeing how he's brash and stubborn, but he's so clever that even the most powerful dudes can't outwit him.

Even the biggest Titan couldn't stand up to him, he cut her fucking HAND OFF. Any god that tries to kill him gets the ever-loving bejeezes beaten out of them. Only by some weird plotting and trickery, can the gods or whatever kill him, but even then he just wakes up in the underworld and climbs back out. Seriously, even death can't stop him. He has climbed out of the underworld several times. The only way a person can hope to even match him is by being just as angry, but even then you can't beat him. Even Zeus, after being killed by Kratos, tried to strangle Kratos to death with his spirit, but Kratos STUFFED HIS SOUL BACK INSIDE HIS BODY JUST TO CAVE HIS FACE IN AGAIN.

He's got more Real Ultimate Power than Ninjas.

Personality Edit

"The first mistake they made was fucking with him."

Kratos is angry, mad, irritated, agitated, stubborn, vengeful, short-sited, bloodthirsty, and great with the ladies. As a young boy he got bitch-slapped by Ares, as a man he was tricked into murdering his own family as a price for power, and as a God of War he was rebuked for doing what he loved best: warring.

The gods were dicks to him and his entire life has been dedicated to taking them out. This quest wavered a little due to some weird mind-shit, but he got back on track after a bit. He's constantly haunted by the death of his wife and child, the fact that their ashes are constantly on his skin does not help. He hates the gods.

He is quick to anger and will strike out before thinking about it or even observing the situation, something that resulted in the death of his favorite spartan soldier. For the most part, he speaks in shouts and stabs. In the end he does the right thing and releases hope to the world.

"If Kratos is not killing you, he's probably fucking you."

For some reason, women really take a liking to him; must be his huge-ass muscles or dick. The first thing he can do in God of War is fuck a bunch of chicks. He's even destroyed Aphrodite in the bed...and she's the Goddess of "Love." Even the haunting nightmares of the wife and child he slayed don't phase him from this. Makes you think.

"The only way to get Kratos to not kill you is to fuck him."

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