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Powerofprayer

The power of prayer is an appeal to a higher power or god in order to achieve some petty mortal ends like winning a football game or extending a single life by some time. Though most God or gods are capricious and unknowable entities of chaos and blue and orange morality, most prayers go unanswered. Interestingly, most pray-ers (people praying, not prayers themselves) believe that their prayers are always answered (87%) and there is a definite disconnect in the statistic there. These numbers move in mysterious ways.

Prayers are often paired with thoughts, but one must always remember to verbally distinguish when one is sending 'thoughts and prayers', as compared to the many times in which one simply sends thoughts without a single prayer, or prayers alone, thoughtlessly. Thoughtful prayers include something personal about the person, place or thing you are praying about, and thoughtless prayers usually backfire.

Since 1976 no prayers have ever been heard or answered by any God or gods, even accidentally, unintentionally or coincidentally. This is because in 1974 Mr. Clobb succeeded in using a SETI satellite to send atheistic taunts to a nearby inhabited planet. The aliens on that populated world were extremely devout Christians, and upon hearing this insult, all 70 billion of them immediately began to pray to the mightiest God that none of the Earthling's prayers ever be answered again. Since 70 billion (and growing) of the most devout beings in the Omniverse are certainly much more persuasive than all of the resources of Earth combined, it is mathematically pointless to ever even try the power of prayer as an Earthbound human.

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