This was a research study testing poll conducted by the Revengerists in various bars to determine which powers were most useful for sexpionage missions. This is the rigorous sort of super-science that comprises only a small part of their comprehensive training.

The question was broken into two parts, "which super power would you most like to have for the purposes of sex ?" and "which super power would you most want your partner to have... wait for it... for the purposes of sex?" The data was compiled over drinks and fed into their ridiculous super-computer back at the Compound over drinks. The results were as follows:

Super Powers For SexEdit





Size Shifting

Both Flight and Wallcrawling scored high, especially with women, either looking for exotic or upside-down sex, or because of that romantic scene in every Superman movie. Telepathy was chosen with sensitive types who claimed to want to merge with their 'lover' more completely (more of an Empathy). Size-shifting was chosen only by men, but with such alarming frequency as to get it onto the top five.

It is presumed that Super-Elasticity, which was chosen with much frequency by men, was also meant to imply some physical rigidity would be maintained, and was most often simply used as a description of Size-Shifting. Super-Agility was also a common choice, though usually as a modifier to another power.

Honorable mentions should go to Accelerated Regeneration (for the sadomasochists out there) and Invisibility (for the rapists). Animal Morphing was mentioned, but quickly ignored. A prehensile tail was mentioned more than once.

A few men chose Super-strength for themselves, but no women chose this for either themselves or their partner. One woman mentioned Teleportation, but this was less for the purposes of sex itself than for the more romantic elements around sex.

One man selfishly chose Super-Speed.

Super Powers For Sex PartnerEdit






We see that Shapeshifting has shot high up, especially among both heterosexual and homosexual males for their partner. Here Super-Agility was mentioned specifically with great frequency and emphasis. Interestingly, Telepathy has dropped but it was mentioned with more frequency that they preferred 'Mind Control' to mere Mindreading. Super-Endurance dropped a place, but not by much. So has Telepathy and Flight, with the increased choice of Super-Agility for the partner of both men and women.

One woman chose her partner to have Lazor Beem Eyes (specifically the kind that can barely be controlled like Cyclops'), but this was because she liked "an element of danger."

One man chose Super-Elasticity for his partner, but specified a very particular part of his anatomy.


Interestingly, few women described the masculine brute superhero archetype, nor the willowy brooding immortal of more recent romance fiction. Women preferred acrobatic and imaginitive lovers, and largely preferred the same for themselves. Overall men chose more typically, casting themselves as strong love machines in control of their bodies, with women as fantastical sex dolls, revealing deep insecurities in their abilities and bodies and the inprobable preconceived roles they have regarding women. Furthermore, the statistics were thrown by homosexual respondents, often saying the most confusing things...

The testing was made difficult by the inherent sarcasm of most respondents, the tendency not to take the questioning seriously, inebriation on the part of the subjects, and a deeper inebriation on the part of the scientists. However, testing was made somewhat easier due to the fact that the above conclusions were already written and accepted before testing even commenced.

The Revengerists, realizing the unscientificity of their methods, plan to unleash a massive fortune-cookie-based poll... in bed.

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